tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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