Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
