It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I cannot find my penis.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
