Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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