If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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