My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
