maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
