I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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