it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm getting married
To pizza
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
