Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
