Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
