I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
