i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
