So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
