Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can I color on your dick again?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
