Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
