you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
