my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
