HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
