i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This is my gift to your gina
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
