I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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