Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
