Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
