I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
