...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize