In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
