eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
