Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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