cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
