I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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