Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
