look no pants
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
