Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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