It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
