I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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