there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Where did you get a picture of my penis
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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