I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
