You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You're like the curious george of whores
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
