he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
