be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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