I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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