Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
