I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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