I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
