Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
