Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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