Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
