I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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