she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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