is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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