I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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