Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
