did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
