ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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