tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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