she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
