ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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