i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
