i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you would pick up someone in the library
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
