You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
