his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this boner is exhausting
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
