now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
