This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
