He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
