Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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