I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
