if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
