i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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