I'm sorry my penis didn't work
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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