Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
