She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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