i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
