you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sarcasm needs its own font
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
