I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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