he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
