just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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