I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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