Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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