if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
