did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
